Honey, kisses, clouds of fluff
One time, freshman year, I was all worn out and I was lying in my bed, drifting in and out of sleep in the sunshine, and I had Radio Cure by Wilco running very quietly in the background, the whirring guitar lulling me into its drone, and then rousing me with Tweedy’s plea, shivering and despondent- cheer up…. honey I know you can…. (strumstrumstrumstrum)……cheer up….honey I know you can …..
I’ve been listening to that song a lot lately and I hear that same plea lilting out from my mind- cheer up, honey I know you can….
I’ve gone a little underground this week, not because I haven’t had anything to say but because I have had too much and haven’t known how to begin…. I haven’t known what to say. Or how to say what I wanted to say. I’m sorry for that because I know you’ve wanted to read these things in my head.
But I would say, before I try and tackle recapping everything, that I think I’m starting to get it. I think I’m starting to understand. I’m starting to understand why people would like this whole college thing, this experience. And why it’s important to go to class. And what’s going to happen to me. And where this is all going. I don’t want to be confused anymore. I don’t want to be sad and depressed and lame and angry and alone. I think I’m on my way to being fixed but before now it all just hurt and made me feel bad and it feels like all that is lifting. But I don’t want to jinx it. I’m working so hard for all that to be right. I just want it all to be okay.
Yesterday I went out with Rachelees for cake and a movie, then we went to Kerbey for real food and then off to AEPi’s Avalanche party to see Tyler, which turned out to be really fun even though we couldn’t stay long. I might see Tyler tomorrow. Wooo Tyler.
I hate when really cute guys sit near me at coffee shops. How am I supposed to write like that!? Hes like, right there. Right there! And he can see me. He totally looked at me. Why is he doing that? I can’t write if he’s gonna look at me like that. Stop it. He’s rockin’ an old G4 and those thick black glasses. Oh lord, he’s kinda perfect.
Ugh. I officially tune out and read Gawker startiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing now.
