This Fire
Passion scares me. Most of the time it’s more like excitement than trepidation. Passion is something I love in other people and fear in myself. I often startle myself with the deth of feeling I’ll apply to subjects, beliefs…people. I’m apprehensive about some subjects because the fierceness of my devotion is sometimes like releasing a tiger from its cage.
I hate very much that I can talk your ear off for days about how Ben Kweller rocked my face off at ACL or how much I like my mom’s potato salad (I do, mom. I LOVE your potato salad) but I can’t summon up the courage to be as vocal about God. I don’t talk to people about God. I just don’t do it. I believe in God, I love Jesus and I will continue this way until I die, but I don’t tell people that. Rarely do I write about it. I’ll look in my prayer journal (you didn’t think I could possibly get all this writing out of my system through ONE medium, did you?) and I will write these fervent prayers, these praises in my huge all-caps chicken scratch, screaming out how I love the lord, how he’s blessed me time and again and I will never be lacking in comfort and love because of it, but I won’t put it down in 10-point font within the confines of my highly public and color-coordinated blog.
It’s fear, I know, and I’m not supposed to live in a a spirit of fear, but I just chalk that up as yet another flaw to add to the others. Like a haystack’s worth of needles, they’re easy to find.
However, the youth at my old church in Tyler do not have this fear. They are completely and unapologetically sold out for God. They’re incredible. Look at them. My heart wishes more than anything that I could go home, just flap my wings and fly home and hug them and tell them not to lose that, not to ever find the world so terrible that it snuffs them out. They are so beautiful, and it just makes my spirit dance.
I know I sounded a lot like Paula Abdul with the whole “spirit dancing”, but um, shut up. I’m happy :oD
Feeling: so very proud
Loving: The life I had and the life I lead
Hating: the distance between the two
Hearing: “You may forget where you are and where you’ve been”.. how appropriate.
